Hester Thrale’s dilemma about Gabriel Piozzi
Between 20 September 1782 - the day the monument to Henry Thrale - was erected, and 1 October 1782 Hester Lynch Thrale wrote about Gabriel Piozzi in Thraliana…
Now! that little dear discerning Creature Fanny Burney says I'm in love with Piozzi—very likely! he is so amiable, so honourable, so much above his Situation by his Abilities, that if
Fate had’nt fast bound her
With Styx nine Times round her
Sure Musick & Love were victorious.
[Ode on St Cecilia’s Day]
but if he is ever so worthy, ever so lovely, he is below me forsooth : in what is he below me? in Virtue—I would I were above him; in Understanding—I would mine were from this Instant under the Guardianship of his:—in Birth—to be sure he is below me in birth, & so is almost every Man I know, or have a Chance to know;—but he is below me in Fortune—is mine sufficient for us both? more than amply so. does he deserve it by his Conduct in which he has always united warm notions of Honour, with cool attention to Œconomy; the Spirit of a Gentleman with the Talents of a Professor ? how shall any Man deserve Fortune if he does not? but I am the Guardian of five Daughters by Mr Thrale, and must not disgrace their Name & Family—Was then the Man my Mother chose for me [Henry Thrale] of higher Extraction than him I have chosen for myself? No.—but his Fortune was higher—I wanted Fortune then perhaps, do I want it now? Not at all. but I am not to think about myself, I married the first Time to please my Mother, I must marry the second Time to please my Daughter—I have always sacrificed my own Choice to that of others, so I must sacrifice it again:—but why?
Gabriel Mario Piozzi 1740-1809.
Oh because I am a Woman of superior Understanding, & must not for the World degrade my self from my Situation in Life. but if I have superior Understanding, let me at least make use of it for once; & rise to the Rank of a human Being conscious of its own power to discern Good from ill—the person who has uniformly acted by the Will of others, has hardly that Dignity to boast, but once again I am Guardian to five Girls; agreed—will this Connection prejudice their Bodies, Souls, or Purse? my Marriage may assist my Health, but I suppose it will not injure theirs:—will his Company or Companions corrupt their Morals; God forbid, if I did not believe him one of the best of our Fellow Beings I would reject him instantly. Can it injure their Fortunes? and could he impoverish (if he would) five Women to whom their Father left 20,000£ each—independent almost of Possibilities?
To what then am I Guardian? to their Pride and Prejudice? & is anything else affected by the Alliance?
Now for more solid Objections. Is not the Man of whom I desire Protection a Foreigner? unskilled in the Laws and Language of our Country certainly. Is he not as the French say Arbitre de mon sort? & from the Hour he possesses my person & Fortune have I any power of decision how or where I may continue or end my Life ? Is not the man upon the Continuance of whose Affection my whole Happiness depends—younger than myself,& is it wise to place one’s Happiness on the Continuance of any Man’s Affection?—would it not be painful to owe his appearance of Regard more to his Honour than his Love? & is not my Person already faded, likelier to fade soon than his? on the other hand is his Life a good. one? & would it not be Lunacy even to risque the Wretchedness of losing all Situation in the World for the sake of living with a Man one loves, and then to lose both Companion & Consolation. When I lost Mr Thrale, every one was officious to comfort & to soothe me: but which of my Children or quondam friends would look with Kindness upon Piozzi’s Widow? if I bring Children by him must they not be Catholicks, & must not I live among People, the ritual part of whose Religion I disapprove?
Hester Lynch Thrale. Engraving by T Holloway after the Sir Joshua Reynolds painting.
These are my Objections, these my Fears: not those of being censured by the World as it is called—a Composition of Vice & Folly. though ’tis surely no good Joke to be talked of
by each affected She that tells my Story
and blesses her good Stars that She was prudent.
[Rowe’s Fair Penitent II. i 35-6]
These Objections would increase in Strength too, if my present State was a happy one. but it really is not: I live a quiet Life but not a pleasant one: My Childrengovern without loving me, my Servants devour & despise me, my Friends caress and censure me, my Money wastes in Expences I do not enjoy, and my Time in Trifles I do not approve, every one is made Insolent, & no one Comfortable, my Reputation unprotected, my Heart unsatisfied, my Health unsettled.
I will however resolve on nothing, I will take a Voyage to to the Continent in Spring; enlarge my Knowledge, & repose my Purse: Change of Place may turn the Course of these Ideas, and external Objects supply the room of internal Felicity. If he follows me, I may reject or receive at Pleasure the Addresses of a Man who follows on no explicit Promise, nor much probability of Success, for I wd really wish to marry no more without the Consent of my Children, (such I mean as are qualified to give their Opinions:) & how should Miss Thrale [Queeney] approve of my marrying Mr Piozzi? here then I rest, & will torment my Mind no longer, but commit myself as he advises to the Hand of Providence, & all will end all ’ottima Perfezzione, & if I am blest with obtaining the Man—the only Man I could have loved, I verily believe it will be only because the Almighty will not leave such Virtue as his—unrewarded. [written at Streatham 1: October 1782.]
Written by Hester Lynch Thrale.Thraliana entry dated 20 September 1782 - 1 October 1782. Hester Thrale's spelling, grammar and capitalisation, some of which may not conform to today's standards, are reproduced faithfully throughout.
